depressed.
today woke up super late and studied the whole day. managed to finish my hw...yea..
dinner time.
i ate buns and only buns..with leftover soup from yesterday. felt like i'm back to the Qing dynasty or sth like that, where ppl only consumed buns for meals. its interesting to eat buns for a change. but its so bland...i prac forced the buns down my throat.
then.
i suddenly rmbed sth major, that my father's bday was on 19th march..and i forgot all about it. asked my mother if she and my bro got call him to wish him happy bday on that day..and she said they did. then i asked her y she nv tell me when they called him..so that i can wish him too..and she replied, "u don't have the intention anyway, tell u for what?"
what the.
i just forgot about it..does that equal to no intention? they nv even tell me when they called to wish him..am i out of this family or sth? what am i? their nxt door neighbour?
then..dear called at 10+..i told him about it..i suddenly just breakdown..i'm sad, depressed, and stressed. over lots of things. family, s papers, scholarship, sch work. y my mother is treating me like i'm an outsider? y she nv give any advice on whether to take S paper? y do i have to pay U fees myself? y did my father have to set up that stupid company many years ago and made losses and made my family so poor? y did we even migrate to s'pore anyway? then, my father would not have set up that bloody company. i wouldn't have to come to know this 2 words called 'financial problems'. i would be happily living in our condo in hk, and buy whatever i want. a life with no worries. do i sound materialistic? i can't help it. i get headaches when i come to the words like, 'money' 'university fees' 'scholarship' 'family relationships'.
breaking down again.

* left her thoughts here at 3:57 PM