went for 9 to 5 last night!! n it was fun! basically just eat and eat and eat plus playing games at settlers'!






* left her thoughts here at 5:40 PM

sometimes i feel like i've got split personality.

ok its not sometimes. its just recently.

its like my mind and my instincts are two worlds apart. like my instincts tell me that i shouldn't do it..but my mind will keep saying since i really wanna do it..just go ahead. or vice versa.

an example would be..e time i went down to his hse. like a part of me knows that its insane to go down to his hse in the middle of the night...but yet another part of me just really wanna do it.

now i think its crap when ppl say just follow ur heart. i've got like 2 sets of mind conflicting with each other now...so which one am i supposed to follow?

i wish these 2 sets of mind would just make peace with each other and live in harmony.

i'm mentally tired. think i killed too many brain cells recently.

* left her thoughts here at 4:40 PM

had dnd last night!!! and it was fun!

dnd comm 07!

the girls

receptionists: me yuen bo n belinda

gordian gls + SA: me kwang leng and wei ming

blk 47 peeps! =)

den went out with the gordians after that. we went to cathay to eat ben & jerry's ice cream..then fang xiang came along with his car and we decided to head down to orchard to sing ktv.

and we squeezed 12 ppl into fx's 6 seater car!!!! it was damn funny can. me n yingying squeezed into e front seat..den i think like 6-7 guys in e middle..and 2 gers n 1 guy at the back. me n yy just couldn't stop laughing everytime we turned around and see all the guys squashed up in the middle like sardines.

yea anyway upon reaching orchard e freshies decided that its bo hua to go sing ktv at this hr and decided to watch movie instead. and so we buy movie tix for rush hour 3!(fx, wm n samuel went to watch hostel 2 instead though)

while waiting for the movie to start we went to eat at xin wang..gotta split into 2 tables though coz there were too many of us.

yep after that went into the cinema to watch rush hr 3 le. eh i think the movie was so-so only la. okay its funny but there aint much of a storyline..so i felt like i spent my time watching nth.

it was already 3 plus when we finished the movie..most of the freshies were feeling tired and went home..leaving only me wm fx and samuel still feeling pretty hyper. (actually..i think the 3 of them were too traumatised by the movie "hostel 2" and that's y they were still so wide awake. hahas.)

the 4 of us wanted to go minds cafe to play games initially..but the cafes were all closed and so we went to clarke quay and rot instead. went to some satay club to eat..i didn't eat anything though..was too full and tired by then.

then..walked around and chatted..till we finally went home at 5 plus close to 6. hahas.

* left her thoughts here at 2:57 PM

yea had ice cream blk supper aka pour water festival today!

after letting them eat their ice cream..they pretend that they wan the freshies to take a group photo and asked the freshies to gather to do photo formation.

while the freshies were happily posing for the photo the seniors were 2 lvls above hiding and all ready with their pails of water.

when the cameraman counted, "1, 2, 3!" the seniors poured water down at the poor freshies below. wahahas it super funny la. i think they were pretty stunned. lol.

then after that everybody started filling up their pails and poured water at each other.

eh i was super drenched la..was trying to wait for myself to dry up so that i can go back into my rm but now and then somebody will come along and pour water on me again.

but anyway it was fun la and i just cant rmb why i missed it last yr. i think i went out or sth and when i was back everybody were drenched and i was like O.o.

yep. so i've got comm management ppt tmr...and gangsters reunion at night! yea! there's sth to look forward to everyday!

^_^

* left her thoughts here at 2:59 PM

i'm finally snapping out of the hols mood.

and i heart my comm management tcher! she's damn cute la. =)

* left her thoughts here at 4:22 PM

chat w abner over msn just now...

and he said sth like...mahjong tile..once i throw it..then if i draw back the same one..i should just discard it and shouldn't keep it anymore. coz its useless.

and he say i'm like e moth flying to the flame(him) even though it know it'll die.

though i think his analogy is pretty funny..somehow the truth hurts.

been happily deceiving myself that i'm still w him for the past one or 2 days..and i managed to slp and eat better.

now i feel like i got dragged back to the reality again.

* left her thoughts here at 6:39 AM

me michelle and elaine at nanyang audi for forensic sci lec.

then..went out with el to funan it mall. supposed to collect our pay but when we reached the person say sth like the accountant has left and we gotta collect it another day or some crap like that.

after which..we decided to go shopping at bugis..and decided to walk from city hall to bugis...which is..ok la..abit far. was dying to take the train when we passed by the city hall mrt station but yea el insisted on walking despite us being sLiGhTy lost.

so shopped around at bugis for a while and i bought a blue tank top from topshop and some necklace fr diva. =) =) =)

ate at crystal jade macau restaurant for dinner.

me and el at crystal jade.

my not very appealing pork chop spag. it taste ok though.

thurs was ndp...and i kinda asked him out to accompany me for a while. went to kovan, pei him had lunch..and then walked around..didn't really do much.

then fri..went back to sch for 2 hrs accounting lecture and oh i think the prof is really funny. it makes me listen. =)

went back to hall for a while before setting off to the sg art museum for dnd. then..after looking around at SAM..went for dinner and watched movie w yy hq and wj.

the movie was damn nice can!!! =) =) =)

hmm..then weijie send us home after that..and that's when i decided to go down to his hse and blah blah blah.

sat..went out with stephanie. to bugis again. muahaha.

i didn't bought much stuff except for eye drop and nail polish. eh felt really sorry towards stephy then coz i think i looked pretty glum throughout the whole afternoon. it was at night when i just suddenly got back into my shopping mood and cheered up.

am eating blueberry now. yummy.

blueberry. hehehe.

* left her thoughts here at 4:26 AM

i don't know if i have damn gd memory or what..but i rmb him always singing this song to me over the phone when we just started out when we were in sec sch..before all the problems started surfacing.

was my fav song then.

i've got so many memories of him that i don't know which one i should start forgetting first.




* left her thoughts here at 4:14 AM

i did sth crazy last night.

i took a cab down to his hse ytd night at 12+...and literally begged him to give it another chance.

he agreed to give it another mth...trial period...reluctantly.

he say the reason why he didn't wan to patch w me is becoz we'll be going to diff sch. hard to contact all that.

which..i think is bullshit.

i mean..i've been in diff schs fr him ever since i'm with him. cedar n sgt..then vj n tp..now ntu n nus.

if he had known earlier then when he know that he's gg nus while he's still in army and i'm in ntu shouldn't he broke off w me earlier...

n he say he had lil feelings left for me.

i don't know how he can treat me like this. i waited for him for 2 yrs while he's in army...he went on tw n brunei trips for don't know how many mths..n i still waited for him. i didn't even like anyone else when i came to uni..ok i like to look out for shuai ges but i don't really like them. i complained abt him to ppl time to time...but i still like him anyway.

so...how can he get over it so fast...just becoz he's gg to a new sch? we've been tgt for so long alr.

i really feel exactly the same when he went to poly. and i feel like i'm reliving the whole nightmare again. its not e first time he's treating me like this..

he even say if we like anyone new just go for it and don't stop each other. what he mean by liking someone new??? this kind of thing he can control himself not to one what.

i'm damn stupid right.

i thought he would change after going thru army and we're grown ups now n everything.

i'm like throwing myself into a whole new world of hell again..like one mth later when the trial ends i'll be damn upset again.

i really don't know why i did that ytd night...

i'm a coward i think..i really hate to go through the parting stage even though i know i have to face it eventually. i'm like prac crying every single night when i'm back alone in the room. i really hate that feeling.

i don't know if i can really get over him at all..and i'm really scared. coz we broke up 3 times in the past and i nv did succeed once..even after i went out w another guy after we broke up.

despite him treating me like this..i'm still hoping that he will start liking me again at the end of the mth.

i'm really hopeless. i know.

* left her thoughts here at 1:00 AM

its getting harder and harder to smile as each day passes...

when will i go back to normal again?

* left her thoughts here at 9:26 AM

went for joint hall bash ytd night!

it was ok and pretty fun dancing with gx, wm and all. just that i got slightly drunk at the end. i don't rmb drinking that much leh..i was still pretty sober when i was in e nanyang audi..and then when we walked out and sat down i just suddenly can't stop laughing and feel v nua.

i kept telling gx i'm ok and not drunk but then he kept reporting to somebody like, "all drunk liao all drunk liao"

eh...then somebody came to fetch us back to hall la..then...yar......went to bed after that.

* left her thoughts here at 4:19 AM

this is living hell.

no. i'm not ok at all.

one min i'm ok. e next min i'm not. and its driving me crazy.

i don't feel like doing anything. i don't feel like eating. i don't feel like watching videos. i don't feel like talking.

i just wanna go up to him and strangle him for agreeing to it. i initiated it doesn't mean he has to agree to it happily right.

its ironic that i'm e one getting all worked up while he's so calm abt it.

i hate all emo songs now. i hate the sight of couples. i hate crying.

and i hate myself for being like that.

* left her thoughts here at 5:48 AM

its over.

i'm sad and depressed.

i initiated it. he agreed to it. and that marks the end of us.

much as i feel like killing him for agreeing to it so easily(maybe i was hoping he will at least protest abit)..but it quite meaningless to carry on a relationship that has turned so dull after so long. its too tiring. i've got nth to say to him..and he has got nth to say to me.

i did cried when he agreed..and felt like screaming and throwing my stuff all over the place. but after a while i did calm down and thought over it.

i'm 20 this year already. i won't be so stupid as to go seek new company or find substitutes just like i did when i first broke up w him when i was 15..thinking that substitutes will help me to get over him faster.

nope. i wont do that. i'm a normal human being. and i know that wounds takes time to heal. i wont rush the process. i'll just let nature takes it course.

if we're meant to be..we'll be together again someday.

i'll be fine.

* left her thoughts here at 2:59 PM

FOC IS OVER!!! yea i'm really glad that i joined foc..although before that i was lamenting how sian it is to go back to hall earlier than those who didn't join foc.

yup and so weiming fangxiang and me were gls for the group GORDIAN!

seriously its pretty tiring to be a gl...esp on day 1 where the freshies were all blindfolded and i gotta keep toking to them like non-stop to entertain.

and not to mention that there were lotsa hiccups on the 1st day such as a freshie in my grp injured her leg during the nanyang dive while e other injured her back at the confidence fall station and was sent to hospital. weiming went along w the freshie to the hospital while fang xiang went to take care of the freshie who injured her leg which left only me to entertain the entire og. and i got really tired after a while like u just kept talking n they've got like totally ZERO response.

yupx but day 2 gots better with new freshies joining the grp and my og got 1st for the night games. i think that reli boost their morale and i was damn happy to see all of them getting more lively and high.

den day 3 was ok until i slipped on the stupid algae and fell while walking back to hall after treasure hunt. and at first i thought i didn't sprain my leg coz i can only feel the pain fr my wounds and no feelings of any sprained ankle or what.

den day 4 i woke up with this horrible pain at the area near my sole...and so i didn't go for city hike and stayed at hall all the way till evening.(it was really damn boring) went for e fright night thingy tgt with my og since its just too boring to sit and rot at the chalet.

then fri..went for the beach games...sat around and tok to the programmers...though at times i will go and tok to my og la. oh then at night..sp night...i went to dance at the dance floor area!!! wahaha despite my leg injury. ehh i think lotsa ppl think i'm crazy ne but then..aye just dun feel like wasting my time sitting down again since its the last night of foc and all that. we had a mini ganagsters gathering at the dance floor!!! wahahas. i think i really love my og gangsters to bits.

yup so the 5 days were over in a flash...and watching the freshies playing the games really bring back fond memories of how it was like when i was still a freshie.

its like...for the past yr i was busy struggling with studies and hall stuff and adapting to uni life at the same time that i kinda forgot how fun it is to actually be staying in a hall..and how happy i felt then to be in hall9.

yup. i'm glad that i went for e foc and to be able to retrieve the feelings of fun and joy i had when i was a freshie and just joined hall 9.

hall 9 rox!! =)

* left her thoughts here at 9:12 AM