i did sth crazy last night.

i took a cab down to his hse ytd night at 12+...and literally begged him to give it another chance.

he agreed to give it another mth...trial period...reluctantly.

he say the reason why he didn't wan to patch w me is becoz we'll be going to diff sch. hard to contact all that.

which..i think is bullshit.

i mean..i've been in diff schs fr him ever since i'm with him. cedar n sgt..then vj n tp..now ntu n nus.

if he had known earlier then when he know that he's gg nus while he's still in army and i'm in ntu shouldn't he broke off w me earlier...

n he say he had lil feelings left for me.

i don't know how he can treat me like this. i waited for him for 2 yrs while he's in army...he went on tw n brunei trips for don't know how many mths..n i still waited for him. i didn't even like anyone else when i came to uni..ok i like to look out for shuai ges but i don't really like them. i complained abt him to ppl time to time...but i still like him anyway.

so...how can he get over it so fast...just becoz he's gg to a new sch? we've been tgt for so long alr.

i really feel exactly the same when he went to poly. and i feel like i'm reliving the whole nightmare again. its not e first time he's treating me like this..

he even say if we like anyone new just go for it and don't stop each other. what he mean by liking someone new??? this kind of thing he can control himself not to one what.

i'm damn stupid right.

i thought he would change after going thru army and we're grown ups now n everything.

i'm like throwing myself into a whole new world of hell again..like one mth later when the trial ends i'll be damn upset again.

i really don't know why i did that ytd night...

i'm a coward i think..i really hate to go through the parting stage even though i know i have to face it eventually. i'm like prac crying every single night when i'm back alone in the room. i really hate that feeling.

i don't know if i can really get over him at all..and i'm really scared. coz we broke up 3 times in the past and i nv did succeed once..even after i went out w another guy after we broke up.

despite him treating me like this..i'm still hoping that he will start liking me again at the end of the mth.

i'm really hopeless. i know.

* left her thoughts here at 1:00 AM